It has come to my attention watching the talking heads on cable news that there is still a group of people who have no clue who they’ll vote for on Tuesday. I think after two years of nonstop blathering from the 20 or so candidates, a million nasty TV commercials, countless town halls, debates, and interviews. If after WikiLeaks, Billy Bush Tape-Gate, FBI probes opened/closed/opened again, Donald’s hair, Hillary’s stumble, Michelle’s speech, Melania’s speech that sounded an awful lot like Michelle’s speech, Weiner’s laptop, Trumps lawsuits, Trumps women, Trump’s steaks which may not have actually been Trump steaks, Hillary’s denials, Hillary’s laugh, Trump’s smirk, Bernie’s crazy hair, Johnson’s Aleppo moment and on and on and on I could go. If after ALL THAT you are sitting home playing Candy Crush watching the Real Housewives of Wherever and thinking to yourself, “Hmm, I just dunno enough about the candidates to make an informed decision.” Maybe, just maybe this whole voting thing isn’t’ for you. At least this year. Maybe you sit this one out and wait for the coach to put you in the game at a later date.
Never before have we had a more polarized campaign and a clearer choice between people. If you truly need to fill out an online questionnaire today to determine which candidate is your guy or gal… maybe that’s a hint that you are just completely disinterested in this election thing. Which is perfectly cool by the way. Hey, it’s your life, focus on what you want my friend.
I don’t mean any disrespect and I think every American has the right and privilege to cast their ballot for whoever they like but a modicum of engagement is required to make a decision. When you buy a bottle of wine you don’t walk into the store and say, “Give me wine.” You have to do just a teeny weeny bit of research and thinking to make your choice. Right? Right? Or do you just say “Me want wine?”
So I say to the truly undecided out there, “God Bless You” and I hope you spend Election Day… at the movies. I haven’t seen the new Jack Reacher film yet but the first one was great and you seldom go wrong with Tom Cruise. Remember this line from the first one, “I mean to beat you to death and drink your blood from a boot.” Hey, it’s not Shakespeare but that’s some fine writing. Yeah, I know Cruise is a little “cray cray” in his personal life but as long as he’s not leaping on the furniture his movies are almost always rocking solid entertainment. So go! Oh and in honor of this national political nightmare almost being over; the popcorn is on me. It’s the least I can do.
(Author’s note- this was satire. I worry some of you forgot how to laugh)